I almost always look back at myself, what i’ve done, how i’ve been, what i’ve said, what i’ve felt and thought, and thought â€œwhat a freaking idiot i’ve been!â€It’s sobering, but good to know that the person I was a minuet ago was an utter idiot compared to the person i am at this very moment and so on.
So of course being told i’m some stupid pot smoking looser hippy type, kinda got my back up, but then i thought about it, yeah – he’s probably right, but so what?
Itâ€™s about what’s important in life, is it important to be very clever? is it important to be right? is it important to make sense of everything? if so what is the goal? and is that goal so fantastic that it ignores other weird and more fundamental things that are important too? Like being happy, like discovering a deep sense of tranquillity and inner peace, joy and contentment? obviously these things don’t have to be mutually exclusive, however, being right and being so utterly linear does have it’s price, the price is that you can’t bare to see any other way of doing things as having any legitimacy.
I’m no genius, i’m not even very bright, i’m just me, doing the best with what i have, but surely anyone who is Clever, is Bright and so utterly erudite must have learnt a little bit of philosophy? read a little post-modernism? read a little existentialism? read a little pop-psychology? read a little phenomenology? read a little Buddhism? read a little on hassidism? read a little on fuzzy notions? read a little on almost everything?
and would come to some vague conclusion that â€“ â€œi’m willing to admit that I don’t really know anything!â€ In fact even if i spent my entire lifetime reading, learning and internalising all of human knowledge and wisdom, i would still only have got a drop in the ocean?
So can we please all agree Urban Guru is fool!! Yippy!
I forgive myself my human stupidity, I forgive the idiot that i was just a moment ago, because I don’t expect perfection from myself or anyone else – perfection isn’t one of my main goals in life, it’s not high on my priority list as something that’s very important, usually it’s a sign of something not so perfect.
If i were to judge myself at every turn, to agonise about every word or idea that came out of me – i would stop communicating altogether.
For me and i imagine for most human beings that would be a form of death.
I forgive myself for being who i am, i forgive myself for not being perfect, I allow my innate humanity to be one of my most endearing qualities, blar blar dee blarr…
I know why i react to critisism – because it challenges me to become, to let go, to smile, to say to myself, yo dude, maybe the person’s right, maybe i’m talking rubbish once again, hay yo man, i think i need to go lye down a bit and think the whole of my life over again?
or some other drivle?
So in summery;
I am merely a human being – divine being – allowing myself to be and hoping to grow like a plant – towards the blue sky and warm sunshine of contentmen, fulfillment and apple juice.