In continuation to my ‘Living without Judgement ’ blurb:
I’ve been reflecting on the fact that when you personally do something, anything, it’s OK! – it’s justified, you give yourself the benefit of doubt, you are righteous (in your own eyes)!
However, if you see someone else doing the same, or similar thing a little while later – you usually end up calling them all the names under the sun.
So why this double standard? Why do we get angry at others when they make choices, which from our ‘outside’ perspective, are wrong or ill-advised?
Could it be that we see in them things that we don’t want to see in ourselves?
Could it be that deep down on some level (although we hate to admit it) we recognise that we are sometimes wrong, sometimes mistaken and make choices that are ill-advised?
As I’ve mentioned before, I believe the world is reflective in nature, and that ‘whatever we give out, we get back in some way’.
So when we judge another person and secretly decide what the outcome of such a wrong doing should be, we cause the Universe to reflect that judgement back on us.
In a sense we are own Judge and Jury.
So, why not try giving other people the same flexibility and love that you so kindly afford yourself. I understand this to be one of the many lessons of the ancient teaching ‘to love your neighbour as yourself’.
You might argue that this kind of idea is not practical?!
And I’d agree, I’m not sure that a national Judicial system could run on such a philosophy, but I think that our own personal lives could run pretty well, using such an idea as the basis of a different type of life, a life without judgment, with a little less stress and a life filled with a bit more love and compassion.
So say after me:
“I allow people to be themselves, I give people the permission to live their lives the way they want to live, to learn the lessons of life – their own way.”
“I love, accept and forgive myself and everyone in my life”
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Awesome Post!
We don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are.
Anais Nin was spot on when she made the above observation.
Have you ever helped a friend through a relationship crisis and been absolutely stunned and amazed when you got around to chatting to their significant other to get their interpretation of events?
It’s like, “are you guys talking about the same thing?”
How can two people in the one relationship or situation, talking about the same issues, have such a completely different take on things and both ‘know’ they’re right? This happens in marriages, workplaces, friendships and a range of situations, every second of every day, in every corner of the globe.
It’s called perspective; how WE personally see things.
Our reality.
To my amazement and disappointment, I discovered a few years ago that not everyone lives on my planet.
Obviously a big loss for humanity.
Sadly, I had to learn to listen to others; not easy for an only child.
Our personal opinion would be all we needed….if we were the only one in the relationship. Fortunately or unfortunately (again, it’s a perspective thing) most of us interact with a range of people in a range of situations and circumstances, for a range of reasons, trying to create a range of outcomes, everyday.
Here’s what I’ve learned in twenty five years of communicating for a living:
1. I need to listen more than I speak.
2. I need to talk with people, not at them.
3. In order for me to be able to genuinely connect with people, I need to know how they see the world (or at least try).
4. I will learn more about someone by watching than I will by listening to them
(93% of communication is non-verbal).
5. Many people will tell me what they think I want to hear.
6. I can’t impose my values, beliefs or opinions on people.
7. I can have the best motives and intentions… and still hurt and offend people.
Keep up the great work U.G.
[...] Craig Harper posted this comment on my piece called ‘Looking in the Big Mirror’ a while back, but I thought you’d like to read it too. “We don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are. [...]