Urban Guru your inspired guide to urban living

If you’re alive and if you’ve ever taken a moment to think about the big questions, then you’ll probably admit that life is a little bit crazy.
After years of pondering this and other important questions, i’ve had one or two fairly cheesy but profound realisations:

Each and everyone of us has to activate a feeling of love within us and in every moment in life we are given new and different opportunities to love.

To love the people in our lives, including ourselves, to love the beings in our lives, to love the stuff in our lives and to love our lives.

The kind of love that I’m talking about isn’t theoretical or a general ‘isn’t everybody lovely’ fluffy feeling. What I’m referring to is a real, deep love, that is the kind of love we have for a child, or a sibling or a parent or a spouse.

Obviously all of those types of love are slightly different, but the feeling, the feeling of love is the same. I’m suggesting that we foster and nurture that feeling of love within ourselves and that we actively allow that energy to flow to the world and people around us.

Thus we transform ourselves and we transform the world.

In a place were there is love all are happy and at peace.

Q. Over the last few months I’ve seen great results from going for a jog during evenings and weekends. But as the weather gets colder, I’m finding it more and more difficult to muster up the motivation to go. How can I make sure I keep up my good work throughout the winter?

A.  Firstly, well done, for actively doing something to improve your health and general wellbeing.

Getting up while it’s still dark and venturing out in the freezing cold to go jogging, is going to make it difficult even for the most dedicated fitness fanatic to keep up their motivation, let alone someone that just wants to get fit and loose some weight.

You might mistakenly believe that jogging is the only thing that works for you, but it’s not true.

So rather than focusing on difficulties of continuing to jog in the freezing cold, I’d suggest that you find something else entirely that could help keep you fit and become slimmer that you can equally enjoy doing, while still keeping you warm.

Like indoor rock climbing, five-aside football, squash or using that rowing machine you’ve got in the garage.

Making your fitness routine something that you enjoy doing and you’ll the motivation for to continue on a regular basis.

Separating the World from God is Suicide !

The Ethics of the Fathers teaches that ‘If you are learning and meditating on God and you stop to look at a beautiful tree or a beautiful field you forfeit your life.’ That to me has always seemed a little harsh coming from the bastions of morality. Thankfully however, the great Kabbalist Rabbi Yaakov Yosef of Polnoye explains this teaching slightly differently, he says:

‘If one is learning and meditating on God and one stops – that is, one makes a distinction and does not continue to learn – when one looks at a beautiful tree, or field then you forfeit your life. If you do not see the divine within the world you subsequently make a separation between the holy and mundain then the separation you have made, separates you from the source of all life.’ “

We are sleeping giants,

Formed from dust by the great sky,

Our souls are more powerful than angels,

Our bodies shine brighter than the sun,

Our dreams now our destiny!

Q. For someone who has been told all their life by their family or peers that they won’t achieve their aims, how can they dispose of negative beliefs? Do they need counselling?

A. It really depends on the individual, it depends on their aims and goals and it depends on how much they believe the peer pressure propaganda.

The three step way to get rid of these negative beliefs are; 1. Realise that the negative lessons you’ve have learnt can be unlearnt and new more accurate and supporting beliefs can replace them. 2. The opinion of the people that fed you this barrage of negativity was probably inaccurate and was definitely unhelpful. 3. Surround yourself with more positive people and feed yourself positive information.

Q. What are the reasons why people commonly lack self-esteem?

A. As babies and young children, we don’t lack self-esteem, it is beaten out of us by our well-meaning parents, teachers and peers. Being confident and being comfortable being yourself completely is, in my opinion, everyone’s natural state, it’s just that we are taught how not to be.
It starts early, when parents say, ‘No! Stop! Don’t do that! They may start off, warning children about sticking their tongues in plug sockets, but within a few years, it becomes more subtle: “Don’t wear that it’ll make you look fat”, or “You could do better, if you only applied yourself… worked hard… stopped answering back… just behaved yourself… listened to the teacher… stopped fidgeting… started paying attention… stopped talking… didn’t play with Tommy … stopped messing around… ate your Brussels Sprouts  … paid more attention in Algebra … worked harder…” You get the picture? All of which restrict us from feeling that we are allowed to be ourselves completely.

Q. Are there any courses available that can improve self-esteem?

A. Yes, from the deeply psychological Hoffman Quadrinity Process, to an Anthony Robbins weekend Empowerment Course. There are Life Coaches that specifically focus on improving confidence and self-esteem. We do a lot of confidence coaching as part of our work at Soulmate Lifestyle Consultancy, helping people to change the way they view their bodies and how they see themselves in the world. So there is help out there, if you know where to look.

Q. If a person is feeling nervous before an interview or important  meeting, what can they do to calm their nerves beforehand?

A. It seems that a lot of slow, deep and rhythmical breathing helps. Learning to be present, stop your mind wondering off into some horrific nightmare scenario of the future (i.e the worse case scenario) or of the past (all the times you messed up or what could have been).

If you are going to imagine the interview, focus in stead on the best case scenario, imagine the meeting going really well, imagine them offering the job to your there and then.

In short:

1.    Have a positive future plan
2.    Breathe, stay calm and focused and keep your awareness in the present moment.

Q. Can a person with low self-esteem fake self-confidence, even if they don’t feel it?

A. Of course people can fake self-confidence, people do it all the time, but it usually comes across as arrogance, cockiness or bravado, and that’s because it’s not a natural worked-out self confidence, it’s forced, it’s pretence. But the good thing about faking it is that in reality people that don’t know you, don’t know that you lake confidence and you can be whoever you want to be and who knows this person you’re pretending to be might even help you become more confident in reality. However, the ‘fake it till you make it’ model only works in the short term. Ultimately you’ve got to start to believe your own hype and work out all the real stuff that is stopping you from just allowing yourself to be yourself completely without any apologies.

Q. If you lack self-esteem, how can you improve it?

A. It’s all about focus, until now you’ve been signed up to your own lousy low self esteem, confidence bruising, internal mind-washing programme, where you constantly play messages to yourself like:
“You’re such an idiot! I’m soooo stupid! I hate her! My bum IS fat! I look awful! I’ll never make it! I can’t do that! Nobody loves me! I’m scared of making a fool of myself! I hate my job! A glass of wine will make it better! I’m not good enough!” Etc…

The first thing to do is start to notice when you say this type of stuff to yourself. Secondly, try saying something kind, encouraging or even positively loving to yourself, like: “I’m good at lots of things! I’m intelligent and attractive! There are many people in my life that love me! I’m a good person! I love being alive! My bum is sexy! I can achieve anything I set my mind to!

But more effective that positive self-talk, is changing the way you view yourself and the world. If you suffer from a lack of confidence and low self-esteem, somewhere along the line you got a very clear message from Life, and that was; ‘It’s not safe for me to be me’.
If you’re going to move forwards towards greater confidence, start to change the fundamental beliefs you have about yourself and the world. Start to TRUST yourself and trust that life loves you and supports you. And ultimately, that the world wants you to succeed and become who you’re meant to be, yourself without compromise.

Q. What are your top five tips for improving self-esteem?

A.

1. Learn to trust, love and accept yourself
2. Make your internal dialogue more positive
3. Have a plan but stay present
4. Surround yourself with positive people
5. Find yourself a Life Coach or Counsellor that specialises in Confidence and self-esteem building

The Secrets of Bilateral Seduction

In the normal course of events if you fancy someone of the opposite sex, or the same sex for that matter, you’re less likely to be yourself and act normally. Yet this abnormal behaviour on your part is precisely what is most likely to put the other person off.

You see that in the slip moment when you see that attractive person across the room there are a million bits of information running around your head and before you’ve even blinked you’ve put yourself in our out of their league.

You see, when you see someone that you find attractive, you subconsciously rate him or her and then also rate yourself. You normally give them a higher rating than yourself; you might give them a 9/10 and give yourself a 6/10.

And this is where the problem lies; if you fancy them and don’t rate yourself very highly, you’re likely to behave in a way that is either slightly desperate or a little bit shy.

Slightly Desperate: could mean that you use corny chat up lines, or beg them to let you buy them a drink, or are just a little creepy or down right in their face and pushy.

Shy: means that you don’t even get around to opening your mouth to say hello.

Now Slightly Desperate is marginally better than Shy, because you’ve jumped over that gap between you and the person you fancy and you’ve made some-kind of attempt at communicating.

But Bilateral Seduction approaches the situation completely differently.

The problem starts at the very beginning, you rate yourself in comparison to other people and most importantly to the person you fancy.

And the point is that if you rate the other person significantly above yourself then you’re more likely to act stupid and stop just being your normal and fantastic self.

So what I’m suggesting is this, learn to rate yourself higher.

That is you first need to find yourself attractive, to become attractive and sexy in your own estimation.

Now obviously there is a difference between arrogance and confidence but it is a subtle although profound one. But not something we need to talk about at this point.

If you increase your own feelings of attractiveness you change the balance of power, between you and the person that you fancy. Instead of you chasing after them in a desperate and slightly embarrassing series of self-fladulating Mr Bean impressions, you become the seductive Casanova, passionate, interesting, exciting and really fanciable person that the other person wants to get to know (in the biblical sense of course).

Blessings are metered by OUR ability to receive, not the Universes ability to give. It’s almost like, the Universe would like to give us everything but it is us that says no.

In some sense, as a friend suggested, sometimes it’s our ‘personality’ which gets in the way of blessings. And that sometimes we need to let go of our selves, put our sense of ‘Self’ to one side to simply allow God’s blessings into our lives.

Some say that we have to make a “vessel” a way and a path, for the Universe to bless us. But I believe, more important than the creation of a mere ‘vessel’ or conduit of divine blessing, we ourselves, must become spiritually able and willing to receive blessing into our hearts and into our lives.

The questions we are forced to ask are; are we open enough, receptive enough, willing enough to allow the divine to give us everything and more? Are we ready to accept bliss into our every moment of our lives?!!!?

Say to yourself; “I’m sorry for having previously been a barrier to receiving blessings, I forgive you for the past, I now allow you to accept all blessings into your heart with joy and love. I allow the source of all blessings to flow through me, so that peace is my very being and the abundance of blessing my inheritance!”

(If you could put all of the Urban Guru’s wisdom in to a couple of dozen quoteable quotes this is what they might look like - Read the following to save yourself from reading anything else the Urban Guru has written or is likely to ever come up with.)

That whatever you see in others is a reflection of yourself. - Urban Guru

Personal redemption is not only possible and achievable but - that it is your natural state. - Urban Guru

The classical teacher pupil hierarchy is fictitious. - Urban Guru

There is no distinction between spiritual and physical. - Urban Guru

The world is divinely miraculous. - Urban Guru

Your state of mind can and does transform reality. - Urban Guru

We can choose to be like the sun or like a backhole. - Urban Guru

There is no messiah! (except the one that says You are Your Own Messiah). - Urban Guru

You have the answers to Your life! not me! - Urban Guru

The Essence of God is not found in heaven but here on earth. - Urban Guru

You can always discover new things about yourself, if you realise you can never truly know yourself. - Urban Guru

If you cannot empathise and sympathise you are utterly alone. - Urban Guru

Life’s journey is a lesson in compassion for ourselves and others. - Urban Guru
You only see what your heart desires. - Urban Guru

Nothing can help you, help yourself, except you. - Urban Guru

Life is too short to be in a rush. - Urban Guru

There is no one in your head, except you. - Urban Guru

It takes two people deeply listening to each other for one person to communicate. - Urban Guru

It is not what is said that matters, but how it is heard. - Urban Guru

Life is perfect just as it is! that’s the irony. - Urban Guru

I believe in the divinity of all matter, everything matters! - Urban Guru

Worry is good if you’re worrying about the right things. - Urban Guru

We can seriously fail to take our life seriously. - Urban Guru

If you only lived once, it would be your eternity. - Urban Guru

This is your heaven and your hell, isn’t it simply divine? - Urban Guru

Your mind shapes your world and only You shape your mind. - Urban Guru

We get so caught up with the way we think the world is, without taking time to ask her. - Urban Guru

Life and the world are a mirror to teach us who we really are. - Urban Guru

Nothing’s Perfect! Or is it? - Urban Guru

Every moment you don’t know the simple bliss of being, your life is a hell of your not knowing. - Urban Guru

You Are The Buddha! - Urban Guru

One of the greatest things I teach you is that - There is nothing I can teach that you don’t already know. - Urban Guru

Within us we have all the answers to all the questions, but most don’t even know where to begin to look. - Urban Guru

Whatever you do, both individually and what we do collectively comes straight back and either slaps you or kisses you. - Urban Guru

You create your own reality every moment. -Urban Guru

Nothing you buy can bring you happiness. - Urban Guru

We live in a supremely intelligent universe but most of us don’t think we are part of it. - Urban Guru

Think good and it will be good. - The Rebbe

Think Rich and You’ll Be Rich!. - Urban Guru

You have everything you need. - Urban Guru

It’s not only what you eat but also How you eat. - Urban Guru

It’s not what you drive but in what state of mind you travel in. - Urban Guru

The time of your redemption has arrived, it is now, in this very moment. - Urban Guru

Realising who you are, starts with admitting that you are not the only thing that exists. - Urban Guru

Becoming who you are, involves loving all of that exists – which includes you. - Urban Guru

Everyone is redeemed –but most people don’t know it. - Urban Guru

The natural state of any human being is joy and bliss. - Urban Guru

To empty oneself of separateness and fear, is the first part of living with joy and contentment. - Urban Guru

Everyone is far more beautiful than they realise. - Urban Guru

Your body is far more intelligent than you give it credit for. - Urban Guru

Trusting in the Universe is a gamble –but if you truly trust then whatever the outcome, it is the correct one. - Urban Guru

Things are either a lot more complicated than they appear to be or a lot simpler, the truth could be both. - Urban Guru

Enlightenment can sometimes be like trying to start a fire with two pieces of wood, or a flint and at other times it’s like turning on a light bulb. - Urban Guru

Happy Happy! – these are the words of the wise. - Urban Guru

Enlightenment can be triggered by reading the side of a cornflakes packet, or not ever reached through the study of all of the world’s sacred writings. - Urban Guru

It’s not the message that’s important. - Urban Guru

When ‘Love’ is the answer, you don’t need to remember the question. - Urban Guru

It’s OK to regurgitate other people’s ideas, as long as You remain authentic. - Urban Guru

All the answers we search for are the questions we fail to notice. -Urban Guru

In order to hear another, you must doubt yourself. - Urban Guru

If you can create a void/womb within yourself, only then can you give birth to an idea. - Urban Guru

Reading this or anything will not bring you enlightenment. - Urban Guru

There is no competition. - Urban Guru

We all focus on the external, but are not happy, we spend billions on beauty and looking good, because deep down we don’t feel beautiful or good. - Urban Guru

Who is strong? He who is the master of his/her imagination!. - Urban Guru

We are all the greatest untapped resources! - Urban Guru

This is your last incarnation! - Urban Guru

You are the fountainhead of infinite wealth! - Urban Guru

You are a king/queen or prince/princess! Start living with this awareness. - Urban Guru

Your joy and happiness are only found within you! - Urban Guru

There is nowhere to run! - Urban Guru